Should No-Shows Scare You Away From Online Dating?

After my blog about being stood up by dates that were arranged online, I felt that I might have left some of you with doubts as to whether you should try or continue using online dating sites. I know that many of you have told me that you don't know if you want to continue online dating because you're tired of being stood up. While I had lots of fun creating categories for the types of men that would stand a women up, I figured that I would consult some dating experts to learn what they had to say about internet dating and the problem of being stood up.

The first question that I asked the experts was if they have found that their clients are more likely to be stood up by dates arranged over the internet. Our first expert, Rori Raye of Have the Relationship You Want, states that among her clients she "has heard of a few incidents of being stood up-but nothing epidemic." Our second expert, Yvonne Rice of SinglesDatingPedia, also felt that the odds of being stood up by an internet date were no worse than any other type of blind date (any date you have not actually met yet.)

Many women that have sent LuvemOrLeavem stories of being stood up are new to internet dating. Based on what our experts have found, their problems may stem from being new to blind dates rather than a problem particular to internet dating. The good news is that both experts have wonderful tips on how to avoid being stood up and how to minimize the effects if it does happen no matter how you met.

Rori Raye makes it a rule for her clients to book short coffee or walking dates, no more than an hour. She also advises planning something fun to do after this one hour "look-see." If it goes well, you can always schedule a longer date next time. If it doesn't go well, you still have you're fun time to look forward to after the hour. Finally, if he doesn't show up you can get an early start on the fun thing that you were planning to do anyway.

I really like this approach for a variety of reasons:

• It helps you take control of the situation by choosing a low pressure kind of date like walking or coffee
• The time limit also reduces pressure and encourages both parties to keep the date
  
• If you plan your fun time wisely, being stood up can mean something positive like getting to a shoe sale early rather than feeling you went out for no reason
  

Our second expert, Yvonne Rice, has found that once a date is made many people tend to tell too much about themselves prior to that date. Her advice is that once you've decided to meet, you should meet as soon as possible and have minimal contact before that first date. She has found that "opening up too quickly gives too much information and scares the other person off." Yvonne warns her clients against eliminating any sense of mystery and lying about one's appearance since she has found these to be the two most common reasons for no show dates.

Keeping contact to a minimum before that first date makes sense on many levels. You may feel that you are "withholding" information, but here is why you should consider this approach:

• Part of the fun of a first date is getting to know the other person, if you've given everything away ahead of time, you've taken away some of the incentive to show up
• The more you say, the more likely you are to say the wrong thing-when you do this in person, the effect can be reduced by how charming you are or how fabulous you look, when you make these slips over the phone it's just plain awkward

So now you have the scoop about online dating and no shows from two experts with a wealth of experience helping singles to find lasting relationships. Both these women are big proponents of internet dating because they have found that with the right approach it can be very successful. So remember : 1) avoid giving too much information, 2) make that first date short and informal, and finally PhotoShop is not a dating profile tool. If you stick to this advice you'll find that internet dating can be a great way to meet people.


Thank you to Rori and Yvonne for their great advice. Here are their sites to get more tips and advice from these two authors and professional dating coaches:

Rori Raye
Have the Relationship You Want (Site)
Have the Relationship You Want (Blog)

Yvonne Rice
SinglesDatingPedia.com
TipsForDating.net